What is unconditional love? This is an oft-asked bewildered cry and of course, everybody has their own take on this. In spite of saying, “I love you” I too have been in relationships where I have been guilty of pointing out flaws in the other person that were driving me up the wall – from something as salient as not being emphatic or strong minded enough to something as banal as snorting in the sleep (you don’t know till you’ve been through it, how peculiarly affecting and tiresome this can be!!)
I don’t always believe this baloney that only a mother’s love is unconditional. Coz many mums try to change their kids or egg them on to something, innit? Yeah, maybe there’s the rider that, “it’s for your own good” but the fact remains that she’s trying to change you! So I think mums are genetically programmed to love you forever but it ain’t always unconditional; and they don’t have to like their offspring.
We all have flaws – yes, you too. Have you ever woken up one day and looked in the mirror and said – I hate you? I bet not. So, if you can love yourself or accept yourself just the way you are – why not extend this to the other person you say you love? Don’t change him. If you did, he wouldn’t be the man you fell in love with in the first place; he would change himself to suit your perceptions and that would make him unhappy which, in turn, would create a rift between you.
For me, unconditional love is when I am aware of the other person’s faults and yet choose not to change them – I accept him just the way he is. In this acceptance lies true unconditional love. I think. And when you arrive at this acceptance, you will find you are less judgemental too.
It is not necessary that he should love you back the way you love him. This means you are expecting something from him and, where there are expectations, how can there be unconditional love? Just give. And give. And give. You will be amazed at how much love there is in your being to give – you will never run out of it. And you will always feel blessed and content.
Naah, it ain’t easy. But whoever said Love was easy?! “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.”