“The fault lies not in our stars but in ourselves, that we are men.” Attaboy, Shakespeare. Can’t fault him for hitting that nail on its head!
All too often, we end up bemoaning our fate or Destiny when things don’t go right in our personal relationships. “It was not meant to be” is the easiest way to fluff off and pass the buck.
Yes; I too believe that there are no chance encounters when it comes to friendships or relationships. The people who come to signify something in your life, whether they stay for a reason or for a season – these are pre-ordained. With all the travelling that one does these days and the countless people one meets, how else to explain a one-off random meeting on a bus journey that turns into a lifelong friendship that has now crossed 15-years and counting? How to explain the hundreds of parties, events and functions one has attended and then to gaze into a pair of eyes across the room, a particular face at once so dear and so strange, and meet with a look as wondering and surprised as your own.
So yes, the significant relationships have already been decided. However, the way we handle them in this life is in our hands, I believe. It is not always the fault of our stars. Once we have gotten over the marvel of finding that perfect fit, the yin to our yang, most of us then take it for granted. I am guilty of this too. The expectation levels somehow seem to rise. Of all the mistakes I have made, I have truly come to believe that expectation is the killer in any relationship. Unfortunately, my deepest, most intense relationship taught me this valuable lesson with its demise.
If only we could greet each day with that frisson of excitement and longing that happens in the “new” stage…if we could but welcome the other person with acceptance and understanding, perhaps so much that goes awry, wouldn’t. It’s all very well to say that one should be able to “be myself, else what’s the point” but sometimes, in being “myself” the point of no return is crossed. Work on traits in yourself that are proving detrimental to the relationship. This does not imply that you are weak or are “giving in”; it means you are wise enough to rise above your ego and treasure what you have found.
Sure – it is quite possible that the other person will be cunning enough to abuse your compassion and maturity, end up taking you for granted. So? Don’t change your innate self; improving on an aspect that will make for a better you is not “change” per se . If you go changing your intrinsic nature for every person who comes into your life – what will be left of YOU? Besides, that person – be it friend or lover – was initially attracted to you due to certain qualities; if he or she wants to change the essence of you, then he or she does not value you enough and it is time to walk away from this.
Ahh, what do I know. Maybe it was written in the stars after all!